November 1
"Don't take anything lying down - even death!"
- HAPPY DIA DE LOS MUERTOS!

November 2
"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."
- Unknown

November 3
“A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”
- Dennis Miller (November 3rd, 1953), an American stand-up comedian.

November 4

1
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
- Will Rogers ( born William Penn Adair Rogers, November 4, 1879 – August 15, 1935),an American cowboy and comedian.
2
"Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
- Will Rogers

November 5
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present."
- Bil Keane (born William Aloysius Keane, October 5th, 1922 - November 8th, 2011), an American cartoonist known for 'The Family Circus'

November 6
"While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart."
- Anonymous

November 7
"Celebrate what you want to see more of."
- Thomas J. Peters (November 7th, 1942), an American writer.

November 8
"Bad decisions make good stories."
- Unknown

November 9
"Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?"
- Anonymous

November 10
"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."
- Martin Luther (November 10th 1483 – February 18th 1546), a German priest.
bonus
"Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain, With grammar, and nonsense, and learning, Good liquor, I stoutly maintain, Gives genius a better discerning."
- Oliver Goldsmith (November 10th 1730 – April 4th 1774), Anglo-Irish writer and poet.

November 11
"A little bit of beer is divine medicine."
- Paracelsus (November 11th or December 17th 1493 to September 24th 1541) Greek physician.

November 12

 "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
- Unknown

November 13
"Wine is bottled poetry."
- Robert Louis Stevenson (November 13th 1850 to December 3rd 1894) a Scottish novelist.

November 14
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
- Unknown

November 15
"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."
- Anonymous

November 16
"If God dropped acid would he see people?"
- Unknown, Referring to LSD (first synthesized on November 16, 1938).

November 17
"What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?"
- Unknown

November 18
"In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it."
- Unknown

November 19
"A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body."
- Unknown

November 20
"You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching kids to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up."
- Unknown - HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!

November 21
“Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.”
- Unknown

November 22
"A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!'"
Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Cohen, (November 22nd 1921 – October 5th 2004), an American comedian. 
bonus
“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
Mary Anne Evans (November 22nd, 1819 - December 22nd, 1880) under the pen name George Eliot, an English novelist

November 23

“The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.”
- Unknown

November 24
"I'm not so think as you drunk I am!"
- John Thomas Squire (November 24th 1962), an English Musician.

November 25
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted."
- George Best (22 May 1946 – 25 November 2005) was a professional footballer from Belfast

November 26
“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.”
- Unknown

November 27
"Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come."
- Unknown 

November 28
"When the hour is nigh me, let me in a tavern die, with tankard by me."
- ArchpoetThe Archpoet (1130 - 1165),or Archipoeta (in Latin and German), name given to a 12th century anonymous author of ten poems from medieval Latin literature. Quote from Confession

bonus
"He that buys land buys many stones. He that buys flesh buys many bones. He that buys eggs buys many shells. He that buys good ale buys nothing else."
-- John Ray ( November 29th, 1627- January 17th, 1705) an English naturalist.

November 29
“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”
- Unknown

November 30

1
"I must point out that my rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after, and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them."

- Winston Churchill (November 30th, 1874 - January 24th, 1965). Winston Churchill Said this during a lunch with the Arab leader Ibn Saud, when he heard that the king's religion forbade smoking and alcohol.
2
 "Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."
- Winston Churchill (to his Secretary of War, 1944)
3
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
- Winston Churchill
4
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
- Winston Churchill to Lady Astor
5
"Sir, you're drunk!"
- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Yes, Madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
- Winston Churchill to Lady Astor
6
"Better belly burst than good liquor be lost."
- Jonathan Swift (November 30th 1667 – October 19th1745), an Irish satirist.
7
"I'd like to learn a new language: Scottish. It's a mixture of English and alcohol. You drink a pint and end each sentence with, 'you bastard!'"
- Sean Meo - Happy St. Stephens Day!