April 1
"Bitches aint Shit"
Mahatma Gandhi (October 2nd 1869  – January 30th 1948), Political and ideological leader of India.

April 2
"Marriage is the sole cause of divorce."
- Unknown

- Alternative -
"A hundred bucks in the bank never felt as good as 20 in my bloodstream"
- Unknown

April 3
"They who drink beer will think beer."
 - Washington Irving (April 3rd 1783 – November 28th 1859), an American author

April 4
 "Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink."
-Whitstran Brewery sign

April 5
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
- Robert Bloch (April 5, 1917 – September 23, 1994), an American writer, primarily of crime, horror and science fiction

April 6
 "(I recommend)...bread, meat, vegetables and beer.
- Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet"
- Sophocles (c. 49July 6 BC – winter 40June 5 BC) is one of three ancient Greek tragedians whose plays have survived

April 7
"You don't have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps." 
- Unknown

April 8
"I drink to make other people interesting."
- George Jean Nathan (February 14, 1882 – April 8, 1958) was an American drama critic and editor.

April 9
“When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.”
– Francois Rabelais (1494 – April 9th 1553), a French Renaissance writer.

April 10
"Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back, and realize they were the big things."
- Unknown

April 11
“To win, all you need to do is get up one more time than you fall down.”
— Unknown

bonus

"To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order."
- Actual Sign in a In a Belgrade hotel elevator

April 12
 "there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer."
 -Peter Richmond

April 13
"Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health"
–Thomas Jefferson (April 13th 1743 to  July 4th 1826), an American Founding Father.

April 14
"The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink."
- Rudolph Brand

April 15
"To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human."
- Anonymous

April 16
"How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?" 
- Unknown

April 17
"If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic."
- Unknown

April 18
"I am suffering with CDO.  It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be."
- Unknown

April 19
1

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson, a fictional main character in the animated television series The Simpsons voiced by Dan Castellaneta. Homer first appeared on television, along with the rest of his family, on The Tracey Ullman Show short "Good Night" on April 19, 1987.  The Simpson family got their own series on Fox that debuted December 17, 1989

2

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
- Homer Simpson

3

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
-Homer Simpson

4

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
- Homer Simpson

5

"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."
- Homer Simpson

April 20
"God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?"
- Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC

April 21
"We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink"
 - Epicurus (341 BC – 270 BC) an ancient Greek philosopher.

April 22
"When you're drunk the floor is your best friend...
because it's always there for you."
- Unknown

April 23
"I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion"
 -Miguel De Cervantes (1548 to April 23rd 1616), a Spanish novelist.

April 24
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
- Paul Newman - HAPPY NEWMAN DAY! (most areas besides Bates College)

April 25
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
- Plato (424 or 423 BC to  348 or 347 BC), a Classical Greek philosopher.

April 26
"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
- Shakespeare in Henry V,  William Shakespeare (baptised April 26th, 1564 - April 23rd, 1616), an English poet and playwright, acclaimed greatest writer in the English language.

April 27
"There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better."
 - Stephen Morris

April 28
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett (born Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett - April 28th, 1948).an English fantasy novelist.

April 29
"The drunk mind speaks the sober heart" 
- Unknown

April 30
"Why is abbreviation such a long word?"
- Anonymous