Quotes

March 1
"It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's simply that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody."
- Brendan Behan

bonus

"I never met a pub I didn't like."
-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company, the brewery was discontinued on March 1st, 2011.

March 2
"If you were to strangle a Smurf, what color would it turn?"

March 3
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."

March 4
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
 - Unknown

March 5
"Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."
- Actual Sign In a Leipzig elevator

March 6
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
- Ed McMahon (March 6th 1923 to June 23rd 2009), an American comedian.

March 7
"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."
- Anonymous

March 8
"I may be bad, but I'm good at it."
-  Anonymous

March 9
"Sex in your eighties is like playing pool with a rope"
- George Burns (January 20, 1896 – March 9, 1996), born Nathan Birnbaum, an American comedian, actor, and writer.

March 10
"A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "'damn that was awesome'."
- Anonymous

March 11
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

- Unknown

March 12
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
- Alex Levine

March 13
 "I think this would be a good time for a beer."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt upon signing the New Deal, paving the way for the repeal of Prohibition on on March 13, 1933.

March 14
"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."
-Capital Brewery, a brewery located in Middleton, Wisconsin. Founded on March 14, 1984, by Madison, Wisconsin entrepreneur Ed Janus

March 15
“Beer…. a high and mighty liquor.”
- Julius Caesar (July 100 BC – March 15th 44 BC), a Roman general and statesman

March 16
1

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman  (March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998), a British-born American comedian.

2

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
- Henny Youngman

3

"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle." 
- Henny Youngman

March 17

"We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English."
- Winston Churchill

bonus

"The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad."
- G.K. Chesterton

March 18
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
- Actual sign In a Copenhagen airline ticket office

March 19
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."
- Michelle Mastrolacasa

March 20
"Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion."
- Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso) (March 20th 43 BC – 17 or 18AD ), a Roman poet.

March 21
"Lotta self-help tapes out there.
Got one called 'How to Handle Disappointment.'
I got it home and the box was empty."
- Jonathan Droll
 
March 22
"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
- Kaiser Wilhelm

March 23
"My friend David had his id stolen. So now we just call him Dav."
- Anonymous

March 24
"If you don’t drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, “And then I got home”
- Jim Jefferies (February 14th 1977), an Australian stand-up comedian.

March 25
"I went to my nephew's birthday party and they had a pinata
of that Shrek donkey. And I thought...you know what would
be awesome is to take down that pinata, take out all that
disgusting candy, and go to the store and instead by real
chicken hearts and intestines, put it in there so that when
the kid hits it and all that shit falls out of it I get to
run up to him and yell, 'Oh my God, what did you do?!'"
- Christina Pazsitsky

March 26
"Mendacity is a system that we live in. Liquor is one way out an death's the other."
- Tennessee Williams (March 26th 1911 – February 25th 1983), an American writer.

March 27
“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.”
- Grey’s Anatomy (television series), premiered on March 27, 2005.

March 28
"I saw a sign today that made me wet myself. It read - 'Toilets out of order'"
- Unknown

March 29
"Draft beer, not people." 
- Unknown

March 30
"Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested"
- Anonymous

March 31
"My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire department."
- Unknown