August 1
 “Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.”
- Jerry Garcia (August 1st, 1942 – August 9th, 1995), an American musician with the band the Grateful Dead.

August 2
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
- Oprah Winfrey (January 29th, 1954), an American philanthropist and talk show host.

August 3
"I have got a drinking problem. . . . I've got two hands, but only one mouth."
- Unknown

August 4
"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
- Warwick Franks

August 5
"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk."
- John Marcellus Huston (August 5th 1906 – August 28th 1987), an American director.

August 6
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
- Actual sign In a Japanese hotel

August 7
"Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back, and realize they were the big things."
- Unknown 

August 8
"It really annoys me when people get 'your' and 'you're' mixed up..."
"...I think there idiots."
- Anonymous

August 9
“The only people who truly know your story are the ones that helped you write it.”
- Unknown

August 10
"Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
- Unknown

August 11
"I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver."
- Phil Harris (June 24th 1904 – August 11th 1995), an American singer/songwriter.

August 12
"Drinks are on the house , So someone get a ladder."
- Anonymous

bonus

"I Have The Body Of A God."
- Buddha.

August 13
"A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience - except that it is soluble in alcohol."
- Thomas Blackburn (February 1916 to  August 13th 1977), a British poet.

August 14
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure”
- Unknown

August 15
"It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety." 
- Thomas de Quincy (August 15th 1785 – December 8th 1859),an English esssayist, Quote from Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856.

August 16
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."
- Unknown

August 17
"Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini..."
- Mae West (August 17th 1893 to  November 22nd 1980), an American actress.

August 18
“Life would be perfect if: some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, bad times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons.”
- Unknown

August 19
"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."
- (Frederic) Ogden Nash (August 19th 1902 – May 19, 1971), an American poet.

August 20
"Don't steal. The government hates competition."
- Sign on Ron Paul's desk. Ronald Ernest "Ron" Paul (August 20th, 1935) is a U.S. polititcian.

August 21
“You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.”
- Unknown

August 22
"One more drink and I'd have been under the host."
- Dorothy Parker (August 22nd 1893 – June 7th 1967), an American poet,

August 23
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case you have failed by default."
- Unknown
 
August 24
"What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?"
- Unknown

August 25
 “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”
 - On label of Founder's Breakfast Stout. By Sean Connery (as James Bond) ( August 25th 1930), a Scottish actor

August 26
"O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!" 
- William Shakespeare (baptised April 26th1564 - April 23rd 1616), an English poet and playwright.

August 27
"Learn to appreciate the things you have before time makes you appreciate the things you had."
- Unknown

August 28
"The longer the title the less important the job."
- Unknown

bonus

"Drinking is never the answer, it is the question. The answer is always yes"
- Unknown

August 29
"Never frown because someone could be falling in love with your smile."
- Unknown

August 30
“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”
- Unknown

August 31
“These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this.”
- Unknown